"Should we have a baby together?"

Information technology'due south an interesting question from stepfamily couples and I'thou always taken aback by it.  Couples on their first spousal relationship never ask me that question!

Only when you expect behind the question it's more understandable. With this question these couples are acknowledging the complexity of their family and awareness that their domicile is still in the process of becoming a family. The question testifies to the business that having a child (what I similar to call an "ours" baby) might disrupt an already fragile family surround.

And then, is there whatever validity to that concern?

Research to guide your decision

To date, the results of social research on this discipline are mixed; in that location is no articulate direction offered from stepfamily studies. Merely we do have some limited impressions.

For example, stepfamilies experience a broad variety of emotional and relational changes after an ours babe is born. When relationships within the home are more often than not stable and positive before the pregnancy, the ours kid has a greater change of bringing a positive touch on to the home. In fact, half-siblings may consider the mutual child a total sibling, which tin bring a great sense of joy to everyone.

By dissimilarity, adult or older half-siblings have widely varying relationships with an ours infant. Some are close and have frequent contact, while others are afar and neutral about the new child. Infrequent contact with the stepfamily, a lack of involvement, and the differences in age-related interests are common reasons for the emotional disconnection between a stepchild and an ours baby.

If the relationships within the stepfamily habitation are more often than not divided, a mutual child can bring farther partition. Children who already feel slighted may feel jealous of the time and attending a new child receives, thereby causing resentment toward a one-half-sibling.

The biblical story of Joseph and his half-brothers illustrates this dynamic. They all shared the same begetter, Jacob. But ten of Joseph's xi brothers were born to women Jacob didn't dear, and they resented the special treatment Joseph received.

Sectionalization in the family unit can too increment unexpectedly if a stepparent pulls away from bad-mannered relationships with stepchildren and focuses on the biological kid. The natural bond that occurs between parent and child at birth brings to light the tentative and frustrating process of stepparenting. Stepparents would do well to avoid pulling away from their stepchildren to focus on their biological kid and continue to invest in all their children.

And what of the ours child—what unique pressures does information technology experience? Being related to anybody puts the ours child in the heart of the family unit'south experience. This hub position cuts both means. On the 1 manus, it is a privileged position, and the child gains more attention than the other children (specially role-time children). This affords the child more influence and control in the abode. On the other hand, this child may feel a abiding pressure to create bonds between family members and ensure that anybody gets forth.

Finally, we know that having a baby in a stepfamily—as in all families—provides both a protective function for the union while besides contributing to lower satisfaction levels. When couples take a kid together, it tends to subtract the adventure of divorce as couples now share an added reason to remain together. On the other mitt, marital satisfaction diminishes somewhat given the increased responsibilities of parenting.

As y'all tin can meet, the addition of a child impacts the family in many means. Couples would exist wise to learn equally much most this equally they can.

Seek God's guidance

Social enquiry tin can offer guidance and understanding to this important life decision, but in the terminate your determination to have a baby volition exist a matter of faith. Couples evidence wisdom when they go on learning most stepfamily life and honestly assess the climate of their home. The final decision should exist one of mutual prayer.  Both the determination to accept a child and the procedure of raising it is, in the end, part of our walk with the Lord. Seek His guidance and follow.

TAKING ACTION

Couples:

The ours child has a greater chance of bringing a positive impact to the home when these factors are present before he or she is born:

  • Children already take a positive relationship with their biological parent and stepparent. When this is the case, half-siblings are generally more welcoming to the new child.
  • Stepchildren alive with the stepparent and biological parent full-time (or the majority of the fourth dimension). Residential half-siblings tend to bond more than deeply with the new sibling.
  • Children are young in age. Younger one-half-siblings conform more easily than adolescent or developed one-half-siblings.

If you lot are planning to have an ours baby, here are some suggestions to consider for preparation:

  1. Await ripples throughout your multiple-home stepfamily system. Some issues tin be predictable, but others may quickly announced. For instance, a biological mother who has been uninvolved in her children's lives, or disinterested in your family unit, may suddenly re-sally after you have a baby. Expecting change will aid yous cope when surprises arise.
  2. Try to go on the half-siblings' lifestyle, visitation schedule, and parental contact relatively unchanged after the infant arrives.
  3. Celebrate. When the children are excited most the new arrival buy them an "I'grand the large brother" shirts and encourage a family political party.
  4. To encourage the bonding between half-siblings it's best to orchestrate frequent contact between the children.
  5. Heighten all of the children with similar values. When half-siblings perceive inequalities in rules, expectations, the availability of money, or affection, they can become jealous and aroused.
  6. Refrain from being defensive or easily offended when stepchildren voice frustration or concern over how the new babe has afflicted them. If the relationship with your stepkids is strained you will be tempted to assume every comment has to do with being a stepfamily.

Pastors:

Have advantage of child or parent dedication ceremonies or children'southward ministry events to acknowledge all the children in a stepfamily. Ask the couple how yous should describe the relationships within the family. For case, should yous say this is "Don's stepdaughter," "the Jones' girl" or something else?